How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
