What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
