Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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