Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My nipple is on Facebook.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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