i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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