And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
