I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
