I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
