Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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