i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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