I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
