chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
