i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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