I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
