just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
the raccoons are back...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
