How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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