Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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