"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
