is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
