We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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