Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
