Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
