I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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