i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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