I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
