Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
