After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.