Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
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Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
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It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.