New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality