I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit