i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
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And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
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I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?