I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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