did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
