one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
