Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
