I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
