I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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