Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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