I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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