please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
