so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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