ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
