Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
