You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
