what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
