Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
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