his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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