I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
