doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
