do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
