I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Randomize
