Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
