I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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