just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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