I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
