eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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