Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i wish my penis had a tongue
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
