and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
