I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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