Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Randomize
