I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
