i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
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OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
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I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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