the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
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i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
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Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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