I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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