and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
