Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
