I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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