we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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