I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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