standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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