In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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