it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It's blow job season.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
