Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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