I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize