the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
